Tuesday, 30 March 2010

Your new boyfriend wears girls pants

I haven't posted in a few days, thought I should clarify. I have a massive ulcer in my right cheek.
Disgusting, right? Yeah, it feels worse than it looks, surprisingly. It hurts to open my mouth, close my mouth, smile, chew, swallow, cough, yawn, sneeze, (Get it yet?).
So I haven't been sleeping so well recently. I've also been at my mums for the past week and a half, considering coming back here.
But then I think about how long she's gonna be this civil, it never really lasts with my mu, but at the moment, it may not need to, you see my friend Mike showed up here last night and he told me that a guy he knows, whose father owns a building company, is looking for a number of laborers.
Dirt and grime, back breaking menial work, it sounds like heaven to me. The pay sounds pretty damn good as well.
But Mike has this habit of making bold assumptions and making plans based on them and the way he talked last night it was like we already had the job.
It was hilarious to see, he had it planned out, hard work, slow nights, us in a place in Teignmouth, a place he already scouted out, (Bold assumptions....)

But according to him since it's his mates' dad's company, we already have the job and now its only a matter of time until we start working.

I don't want to be so skeptical, but this is not my year. Those of you who have read what lead up to this blog should know that life has straight up kicked me right square in the nuts with deadly accuracy at every chance.

So I'm skeptical, wouldn't you be?

Wednesday, 24 March 2010

Soundtracks and steak

I'M POOR AGAIN!!!!! (Just thought I'd mention that.)

I have a £20 to my name, which is slightly more than usual, but it does mean that I can't buy Pok√©mon Heart Gold on Friday, but I'm gonna try making a couple of calls in to a friend of mine to see if I can still get it with the pedometer.

So here I am, sitting in the kitchen at my mums house, listening to the Little Big Planet soundtrack, reading WORST, a manga everyone should check out, and writing this post.

Oh, before I forget....


Hehehehehe, had to do that.

Thanks for putting up with me,
Fonch the Oracle

Tuesday, 23 March 2010

Invaders must die

I guess this is one of those 2 post days huh? Ah well nothing wrong with it.

I am currently listening to dubstep playlists on youtube, working my way through some real good stuff and some bloody dire stuff but I'm just sitting here reading some stories online, rolling fags, smoking them and zoning out listening to those dope beats.

Man I almost dropped back into London slang earlier, just caught myself before I said 'hench' and other assorted street words.

Man, its been a long day and I'm sticking to it.

So yeah, here I am aggravating my headache with a pair of skullcandy headphones (I'm gonna keep talking about them.) and all the gritty dubstep I can lay my internet connection on.

Keepin' it goin',
Fonch the Oracle

They're just so damn good!

The sweet suffering

So I got a good 16-17 hours of sleep, was trying for a full 24 but I was dragged into being directions-monkey for mum. Meh, I got a breakfast out of it.

So, caffeine withdrawal is happening again. It's cold and I'm reading and listening to some dubstep tunes through my new skullcandy headphones.

Rockin' huh?

Sound quality is immense. Been rocking down to Sub Focus and Rusko. Check 'em out sometime.

Going to see Sub Focus live later on this year, planning to go to Glade as well. Don't know any of the headliners but it'll be good anyway.

So yeah, that's all there is to report at the moment.

Thanks for reading,
Fonch the Oracle

Monday, 22 March 2010

Step out of the rush for you

Eugh, complexity is complex.
You know when you hear some insanely good news but you know you can't do anything with it?
That was my day, after no sleep, more coffee than the human body can properly handle, a bacon and egg mcmuffin and a donut.

Sitting in Sainsburys at stupid early in the morning I was informed that on friday I was expected to come out on the town with my current coffee partners. I, of course, pleaded poverty, but upon hearing one name dropped, I hastily agreed.


A girl I had been infatuated with for quite some time, back in the heyday of going out drinking whenever possible.
She was beautiful, hilarious fun and a down to earth NUTTER!!! (Something I, at that time, found highly attractive.)
But for most of the time I have known her she has been in a relationship, which sucked for me. But then suddenly she was single, I made a clumsy attempt to dance with her one night, working on a great deal of misinformation from a 'buddy'. She disappeared into the crowd, and I left, dejected and lonely (Cliched I know but Fuck you!)
And then I dropped out of circulation, poverty yet again. And before I knew it I was thinking of her less and less, then she went off to Uni. Problem solved, probably won't see her again until she's happily shacked up with some philosophy student called Crispin or some such.

Then today happened, "Let's go to Plymouth, hang about, play some pool, have a couple of beers" was the enticing morsel that kept me from my bed.
It was only when we picked someone up along the way that it started to niggle at me, Plymouth, drinking etc etc.

Then there we are meeting up with some more people in a pub and lo and behold, there's Kate, words failed me but now all I can say is DAMN!!!!

Just DAMN!!!

So I'm doing my Marcel Marceau impression quietly tweaking and rolling cigarettes while Kate is doing her usual bubbly thing and I kept my head down.
Until "Hey guys did Craig tell you my news?" Kate chirped, I and most others looked on dumbfounded, she spent a few seconds admonishing Craig before spreading her arms wide, showing off her amazing...... t-shirt design. "I'm single again!" She trilled.

My heart soared and then crashed again. I suddenly didn't want to go out on friday. Me drunk is not a pretty sight and I have a habit of saying too much.

So the rest of the day consisted of me counting my money and seeing just how drunk I could get before it was time to go.

The answer, pretty hammered. I spent as little time as I could around Kate and the others, just milling around, and playing pool.
So after a while I felt just courageous enough to sit at the table with everyone else. It was alright, I could now enter into the banter without freezing up.

When my mate turned to me and said that Kate and everyone else had bailed on friday.

So I am happy again, I will now be able to go out and pre-order a copy of pokemon heart gold, go play Magic the gathering and not have to worry about saying the wrong thing and making an idiot of myself.

Or at least until she's back again. And I'd just gotten over her.

Next time you think your life sucks, think of me thinking of you and wondering why you got it so fucking easy!

Thanks for reading,
Fonch the Oracle.

Saturday, 20 March 2010

A simple moment of victory

Cigarette packet out of reach.
Within reach is:
a measuring tape keychain = failure, not enough grip.
A thomas the tank engine keychain = not enough length
Hit it with a remote control out of frustration = it flipping into my lap


Just thought I'd share that.

Whose Autopsy?

Instead I'm going to say something about the events leading up to this blog. Beginning at the beginning.

7/2/2010 - My own personal hell
It was a Sunday just like any other, and it was like that for only one reason, I never usually get any post.
So I woke up, shook away the remnants of sleep, showered, got dressed and got my stuff together for the day ahead. It was the Release party for Worldwake, the new Magic the Gathering expansion, a day of cards and laughs were ahead.
Jog was just rousing himself on my sofa, I left him there as I went downstairs and exchanged curt pleasantries with my mother, a day like any other.
She decided to tell me I had received a letter a few days before, I swallowed a snarl and went to collect it, it was from College, with no apprehension I opened it and scanned the contents. My heart froze 'We are dropping you from the access to higher education course effective immediately.'
In a word I was 'Fucked'.
I breezed through the rest of the day, receiving the best and most expensive cards from Worldwake and not being able to be excited about it, 'Dropped from the course' kept reverberating in my head like a death sentence. All I could think of was my Mothers rage and bile and my Fathers resigned disappointment.
I returned home late that night, having sold a couple of cards in order to fund a drinking binge. I wasn't even that drunk, though the time after the Release is a blur of bars and pubs, I remember spending all of my money and still not being drunk. It sucked.
So there I am sat in my room, alone, in the dark, cliched I know but it's what I did.
And suddenly the door to my room burst open and in she poured a venom filled typhoon fueled by two bottles of Hardys Semilion Chardonnay.
"You little bastard,"
"Lazy fucking shit"
They washed over me, every night was the same, she'd barge in and recycle the same old insults, each delivered with a spray of spittle and much waving and snarling. But tonight was different, I was done.
I made a decision, I was gone, she wasn't going to get the chance to try and pull me apart again.
When I was sure she was passed out I started.
I grabbed a bag, packed up my shit, rang a friend and I was gone before seven the next morning.
I was done with this idiotic life I had been leading.
I was gone from this house of pain and misery.

It was only six days until I returned.

13/02/2010 - My 20th birthday
Yeah, I came back for it. There were presents to be had and I am a shallow bastard.
I collected a bit of money, some chocolate, a couple of dvds and a t-shirt.
Everything was going alright, I was considering that maybe I had made a mistake.
The general plan for my family on a birthday is to go to the pub, so away we went, to the pub.
A few beers later I was feeling quite good, happily warm, chatting to my dad and watching the rugby.
It couldn't last, and once again my mother made her feelings known.
Snide remarks were the beginning, little things, then the slurred snarls. Insults, making sure that I knew she wasn’t happy.

So, my dad gave up and all but dragged her out of the pub, leaving me a few pints south of sober watching the rugby alone.

So I kept at it, a few phone calls later Jog arrived, at my behest, and we sat around I had another few beers and Jog had a coke. It was enjoyable.

But eventually the time came for heading back to my former home and collecting the last of my things before going back to my new lodgings.

When I arrived my mother was muttering into her third bottle of the day and my dad was quietly pottering about, doing his general thing.

So I left Jog in another room and sat my parents down and told them what had happened, what I thought of them and then I left.

I’m afraid that I don’t want to go into the details of what I said and what was drunkenly screamed back.

To be honest, I really didn’t like writing this. So I believe I won’t be writing like this again. No more sorrowful backstory, only wonderful stories of my drug-fuelled misadventures.

Thanks for reading,

Fonch the Oracle

Monday, 15 March 2010

A first time for a few things.

Yeah so this is a multiple first for me.
First post on this blog.
First Blog.
First Overdose on caffeine

Yeah, so I'm a moron.
I drank two Ubershots which contained an approximate fuckton of caffeine.
I was halfway through writing a first post when I practically whited out from the pain.
I genuinely thought I was having an aneurysm. And this was while on cam to a friend of mine, she freaked, but that's a story for later

So this will be a short one.

The whole backstory of this blog will be told in the next post.

But for now,
Thanks for reading
Fonch the Oracle