Exorbitant prices and other misadventures

Have you ever watched a tv show that's only good either late at night or in the middle of the day?

Me I generally live off them. But for now I'm just going to mention one, and my god it's dire, but in an entrancing way.

I could say the same of several films, brilliant at 3am but try and watch them during the prime time window and they turn to shit. Such as;

The Big Hit, an action/comedy featuring several actors you know by sight but can't remember what else they've been in. But other than that a very funny film with some really classic lines and some very suspect puns.



Ginger Snaps Trilogy: Ginger Snaps, Ginger Snaps: Unleashed and Ginger Snaps Back: The Beginning. The first one is diamond, a brilliant concept, it's a coming of age film dressed up as a werewolf flick. Enjoyable once in a while. The second one is pretty shit but is saved by a fairly graphic group therapy/masturbation hallucination and a tiny pryomaniac blonde psycho (Don't ask me to explain, go watch it, you'll see what I mean.) The third one is set in frontier canada and has some really quite good ideas behind it but again, it's pretty dire, so do get to see Katherine Isabelle's arse (But I'm a guy so I guess it didn't add anything to the plot.)



Okay, those are my four guilty film pleasures, time to move on to my TV preferences.

Ultimate Force. An SAS drama, featuring of all people Ross 'Grant Mitchell' Kemp, supposedly the hardest man on british television. Bollocks is he, when he was in afganistan a couple of guys took a potshot at the patrol he was with, he threw the camera man out of his way screamed and ran like a little girl, I'm not saying I wouldn't do the same just that he's supposed to be a hard bastard and I'm not.



And also Diagnosis Murder.


Dick Van Dyke up there admiring the latest copy of 'Flirt and Squirt' adult magazine.

Russian Test Pilots

I got three hours or fucking sleep. I stayed up until 6am writing a story, I think it's okay but I have no idea.
So anyway, finally passed out at 6am and then three hours and ten minutes later my mum burst into my room, yelled me out of bed. And then suddenly I ended up in the car on my way to an antiques fair. I still have no clue how my mum managed to get me in that car.
So anyway, I staggered into the hall and stuffed my hands in my pockets not trusting myself to touch anything. And music blaring in my ears I wearily looked around the hall, slowly falling back into the land of the living.
But as it transpired it wasn't a complete loss. I found a random badge.



Awesome huh? It's currently on my jeans.

I also managed to find a working torrent of The Maxx. Quite possibly the best thing mtv has produced. It's about a crazy homeless super hero called The Maxx. He's Big, He's purple, He's heroic.



Check that shit out, it's well worth it.

The loneliest Number

I went out last night. It's nearly 6 o'clock and I still feel pretty shit.
I'm watching Britains got Talent Best and Worst, waiting for half past six and DOCTOR MOTHERFUCKING WHO!!

But back to last night, I fucking hate people. Especially those who don't show up or show up 5 hours late then leave again straight away. So I spent all of last night all by my fucking lonesome and I am not good company.... I mean, ah fuck it. I got drunk, very drunk, woke up to a dog jumping on my chest and this wasn't even Lulu, it was a motherfucking spaniel, a fat one at that.
So, hungover, fat dog on chest, not allowed to smoke in this flat, my lift home has decided he can't be fucked and has returned to his foetid pit.

Eventually Vicky, god bless her, strong armed someone into driving me home. Heh. I went off and got breakfast at some random greasy spoon up the road from me. Filled myself with the most disgusting food I could have found this side of Albania and toddled off home.

But yeah, so I'm £10 poorer, which I was fucking surprised about but then again I was helping the bar staff out when it was rammed and subsequently got a few free drinks and a number of cut price ones. Then the pub shut, I helped clean up, earning myself another few free drinks. Finally left the pub at 3am. IT WAS A FUCKING DIAMOND NIGHT OUT!!!

Still fucked off at all those who didn't come out. YOU COCK SMOKING BAIL-MONKEYS!!!!

Oh I noticed something odd earlier on the tv, dominoes pizza, pepperoni passion in particular, the pepperoni is arranged in the shape of a cock. And if you don't believe me.....


So, a cock on a pizza and a foot that don't quite work anymore. Those are the things that weigh heavily at this point in time.

Me want cookie

I've been doing something odd recently.

Planning a story. I NEVER plan stories, I have an idea and I run with it until it falls apart. But here I am spending all day and night at the desk I made but never used before now, staring at my note covered wardrobe in wonder.

If my arsehole digital camera was working properly I'd post a picture of it, but as is I can't.

I have also found myself downloading way more than usual, 20 films and three different series. I'm drinking more coffee, staying up through the night, smoking way more than I should and smoking way too much.

I found that Castle is one of the best shows I have seen in ages.

Yeah so I'm downloading fucktons of shite, not sleeping, chugging coffee, smoking. I'm back to three years ago, which was my first foray into true writing, the dark and desolate path of the novelist.

But this time is much worse than before, becuase I'm going to have to do real research, this thing I have in mind is a bit more true to life than the Fantasy story I wrote before.

Hilariously, I sat down and read my novel 'A Time For Everything' and it's just as shit as I thought it was. Nearly 27,000 words of absolute bollocks. There were vampires, angels, werewolves, hunters, shape shifting shadow spirits. It was your general 17 year old fantasy bullshit.

Then college, chronic writers block and boredom killed it, thank fuck. If it had gotten published then I would have to kill myself.

But this idea has a school, gangs, murder, love, drugs and dubstep. So who the fuck knows if it'll be any good. I'll post some on here when I figure out how to start it.

Yeah, so that's what's going on with me at the minute.

Quick recap - Back at home, sat at desk, planning a novel, having three hour arguments about breadknives with my mum, drinking coffee, needing some class a drugs.
Judgement - Back to normal!

Do it for the love of music

I find myself looking at girls more and more at the moment. Just a kind of turn my head and take a closer look, nothing stalkerish.

But I was just grooving down the road earlier today (To the above song.) and all I could think as I felt the sun coursing over me was 'This could well be the life'.
With a genial smile on my face I rocked my way through Torquay looking at all the pretty girls as they wandered past.

And before you ask, I wasn't stoned.

Take me to the hospital

Okay, quick update, and explanation as to why I haven't been around for a little while.

I have moved back in with my mum, got sick and tired of sleeping on a sofa in Brixham and after a long talk with my my mum about boundaries and the need for privacy, she told me that I could steal the front of the house. I'll post some pictures of the finished product once I've moved my stuff in.

Other than that nothing much has been going on, I went out on saturday, got pretty drunk, some half pint girl started on me. It was hilarious, after the fact.

Plus the dreaded Kate is back, and I was talked into going on Thursday to meet up with said girl and numerous other people. Should be an alright night out.

So, that's whats been going down in Fonch town recently. Oh, except for pokémon, that shit's got me hooked. Bugsy was a fucking prick to beat, the next gym leader wasn't so bad, but Miltank is my new nemesis.
So, here I am sitting in the living room, typing this and watching the 1st series of Angel.

Had a new idea for a story, though its still half formed.

Gonna try and post more often.

Thanks for reading, Fonch